


Covered in the Colours, Pulled Apart at the Seams

by EmJayAnders



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-27 08:31:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6277210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmJayAnders/pseuds/EmJayAnders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Clarke Griffin finally sees colour for the first time after meeting her college room-mate things take an unexpected turn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One-

As Clarke Griffin hauled her bag full of black and white paints and brushes across the threshold of her dorm room she asked herself again why she had agreed to stay in student housing and not in an off campus apartment. Of course the answer had been her best friend who she could never say no to but that didn’t stop her complaining. She eventually managed to drag the art supplies bag to the corner of her twin room- the room she would call home for the next year- and slumped down onto the bed, which she found to be relatively comfortable. Clarke took this time to let her gaze travel around the dingy room; light grey walls with white and black closets and desks along with two beds dressed in unusual geometric grey bedspreads. For all Clarke knew the room and its décor were all the colours of the rainbow- she would have to ask Raven about it later. “Home sweet home.” The blonde murmured before laying back on the bed and resting against the wall. Raven wouldn’t be arriving for another five minutes or so, as a result Clarke decided that playing Candy Crush was the best way to pass the time- a game that she swore she was not addicted to and yet somehow still found herself playing it hours after she had retired to bed. After a few games that spanned 30 minutes Clarke began to worry as to Raven’s whereabouts- she was due to arrive at the room over 25 minutes ago. Just as she was about to get up and go searching for her a text buzzed through on her phone from the missing girl herself.  
Hey C, so there’s been a problem with Octavia’s roommate arrangement and it fell through so I may or may not have agreed to room with her instead. Please don’t kill me.  
“You have got to be kidding me.” Clarke groaned but typed her reply despite her annoyance  
That’s alright but you owe me big time. Pizza and Whiskey big time.  
I love you, I love you, I love you! And Octavia does too, as for the rest done and done. We’ll be over yours at 7  
You better be  
Clarke placed her phone down onto the desk next to her bed before throwing herself back onto the pillows with a resounding thud. “This is just fantastic.”

 _~All My Friends_  
_Are Turning Green_  
_You're The Magician's Assistant_  
_In Their Dream~_

Raven and Octavia arrived hand in hand at Clarke’s dorm room, Raven trying to balance a pizza box and Octavia brandishing a rather large bottle of Jack Daniels in her free hand. They entered the room at exactly 6:58pm and by 7:42 all three women were stark raving drunk. “Are my paintings even any good?” Clarke slurred “They’re all black and white…so depressing…”  
“Clarke Griffin you-you shut your mouth.” Octavia waved her hand in an attempt to garner Clarke’s attention and placed it on the blonde’s knee. “You, my very pretty friend, are the bet artist in the country-no the world,” Octavia gathered back some of her sobriety in order to tell Clarke this “Just because they’re mono-monochro- black and white doesn’t make them any less of the masterpieces that they are and when you do get colour in your life-and you will” The smaller girl reinforced as she saw her friend begin to protest “They’ll blow every other artist in the world out of the water.” Clarke smiled at Octavia’s honest words.  
“What she said.” Raven reiterated and the three burst out into laughter; it took them longer to calm down than it would have if they couldn’t feel the warmth of alcohol flooding their system but their laughter did eventually cease. “Here’s hoping you get on with your new roommate as much as you do us.” Raven chuckled and the effects of Clarke’s drunkenness waned briefly.  
“What?”  
“New roommate, you know with you being in a twin room like most of the students here.”  
“You didn’t mention that.” Clarke furrowed her brow.  
“Did I not?”  
“No, you didn’t.”  
At around 4am Octavia and Raven fell asleep snuggling up to each other on the bed. Clarke however was wide awake and now very sober. ‘A roommate I’ve never even met before, fantasic fan-fucking-tastic’ the blonde rested her head back on the wooden bedframe in frustration. Apparently this stranger was due to arrive tomorrow and Clarke knew nothing about her, not even her name, other than her arrival time of 8am. So not only was she going to have to live with a complete stranger for a year but she would have to get up early as well. This thought spurred her on to set an alarm for 7:15, just enough time to shower down the hall, get dressed and tidy up the mess she, Raven and Octavia had left in their drunken wake before the new girl would arrive.  
Safe in the knowledge of her preparation Clarke laid down on the floor beside her currently occupied bed and pulled the spare blanket up over her knees and let sleep claim her.

 _~I'm Waking Up_  
_To Ash And Dust_  
_I Wipe My Brow_  
_And I Sweat My Rust~_

At precisely 8:06 Clarke was awoken by a rather violent knocking at the door. “Shit.” She rolled over groggily, hitting her head off the bedframe with a loud thwack. “Shit.”. The blonde steadied herself on the mattress before shaking the still slumbering couple awake. “Guys, my roommate is here. At least try and look vaguely presentable.” Raven groaned and nuzzled further into her girlfriend’s neck but Octavia nodded up at Clarke and tried to rouse Raven from the bed. Clarke, luckily, did not have a hangover and so walked over to the door with ease just as another knock sounded at the door. “I’m coming.” She called and opened the door. A white flash suddenly clouded her vision and the world stopped, or rather Clarke Griffin’s world finally started spinning and when the white smoke lifted the greys of the hallway that were so familiar to her were gone. Clarke saw the pale green of the walls and strange reddish brown of the carpet, the tanned arms of the body in front of her and the brown of his eyes. “Oh.” She muttered- barely noticing the girl right by his side who she presumed was her roommate.  
“Hi, I’m Finn- I was just showing Lexa here to her room.” Clarke paid her no need, consumed by the sight of the man in front of her. “I guess we’re soulmates then.” He saw colour too  
Clarke had found her soulmate.  
She was only 18.  
She was lucky.  
“Soulmate?!” Raven and Octavia exclaimed in unison from behind her.  
“Soulmate.” She breathed.

Clarke stood in the doorway for a few moments longer before breaking the gaze she shared with Finn and remembered where she was and the original reason for him being there. The blonde, catching sight of a lock of her hair in her vision and finally knowing what the adjective meant, turned to Lexa.  
“Hi, sorry about all this, I’m Clarke- nice to meet you.” She gave her a smile “Please come on in.” She turned again to find Raven and Octavia still blocking the door way so she ushered them out with a whispered promise of meeting up with them later. Once they had moved Lexa began to drag her luggage into the room so Clarke moved to help her. They hauled the brunette’s bags into her corner of the twin room. Lexa sat down quietly on the bed while Clarke took note of Finn’s presence in the hallway. “If we’re soulmates then you can come into my, our” she glanced briefly at Lexa “room.”  
“Campus policy- no men in the women’s rooms and vice versa.” He shrugged  
“Well that’s rather heteronormative.” Clarke muttered but shrugged it off.  
“I can give you my number though.” He smiled one-sidedly and Clarke grinned back. They swapped numbers and she waved him a fond farewell before closing the door and focusing her attention on the girl who was still very awkwardly sat on the bed.  
“Hey, Lexa right? I’m so sorry about that, it’s not every day you meet your soulmate.”  
“No I suppose it’s not.” She smiled lightly, speaking for the first time “I understand.”  
“Thank you.” The blonde returned the smile “Also sorry about the mess a couple of my friends and I- the ones from earlier- had a little get together last night.”  
“It’s no problem, I have three siblings so am used to there being a mess.”  
“Three? Wow, I’m an only child so…” She trailed off  
“What’s your course?” Lexa asked politely, sensing that that section of the conversation was at an end  
“Art history minoring in pre-med, you?”  
“Politics with a minor in English Lit.”  
“Oh cool- my dad studied politics before dropping out and re-enlisting for engineering.”  
“That’s some switch.” Lexa chuckled and Clarke couldn’t help the smile twitching at the corner of her mouth, this roommate arrangement may not be as bad as she had expected.  
“Tell me about it, if I’ve heard the story once I’ve heard it a thousand times.” The two girls smiled at each other, neither one of them wishing to address the elephant in the room; Lexa was the first to broach the subject.  
“So…Finn was it? He seems nice.”  
“Yeah he does, I mean I’m super glad that he is you know with him being my soulmate and all.” Clarke laughed with a slight nervous twinge. She was still kind of in shock about the fact that the man she had met only minutes ago was the one she was to spend the rest of her life with. “Have you…?”  
“No.” Clarke did not think such a forceful utterance could some from such a quiet girl.  
“Okay- I’m sure you will.” The right corner of Lexa’s mouth twitched up in the most adorable way and Clarke couldn’t help the smile that broke out onto her face. “Do you need any help unpacking?”  
“If you don’t mind then I would love that.”  
And that was how the rest of the day was spent, unpacking each other’s suitcases and organizing their room. By 4pm everything was tidy but very bare. “We have got to get some posters or something up in here ’cause this is just sad.”  
“I couldn’t agree more.” The blonde replied, her gaze travelling over to the pin board that they shared a though struck her. “How about a selfie? You know first meeting, first day kind of thing and then we can take a photo together every time an important event happens to either one or both of us?” Lexa smiled that smile again.  
“I think that’s an amazing idea.”  
The brunette rose from her bed and walked over to where Clarke was rummaging around in her desk draw- already messy despite only having organised it an hour ago. After around ten seconds or so she found what she was looking for a produced a Polaroid camera. Clarke noted the funny look Lexa was giving her and so explained herself.  
“I’ve never been one for new technology, plus Polaroids are amazing, and the best way to make memories instantly.” Lexa smiled at her words.  
“You make a valid point.” The two girls pressed close together to fit into frame and Clarke was so bold as to wrap her arm around Lexa’s shoulder. Clarke grinned wide and Lexa’s lips widened into a smile that crinkled the corners of her eyes. Clarke pressed down on the shutter. The camera made its classic whirring noise as the blonde lowered her arm and pulled out the Polaroid, shaking it to make the image appear. She looked down at the slowly appearing photo and another grin spread across her features.  
“Aw we look so cute.” She showed the photo to Lexa who smiled as well.  
“Just wait till the one we take on the last day, I’m sure we’ll look far worse for wear.” Clarke barked out a laugh at the taller girl’s comment.  
“Now that’s something we can agree upon.”

 _~Here Is My Story_  
_I've Got My Type_  
_Tattoos And Skinny Jeans_  
_Black Boots And Piercings~_

“So I’ve done a Facebook stalk and he has no past significant others, is not a serial killer and is not a perv.” Octavia announced as she and Raven sat down in front of Clarke. Around 20 minutes ago she had texted the couple and told them to meet her at the Starbucks on campus to talk; Lexa had been understanding and had offered to order takeout for Clarke and herself when she got back to the room.  
“O, are you kidding me? You seriously stalked this guy?” The blonde shook her head in disbelief and stared down at her coffee cup, still getting used to seeing the familiar logo in its original colour of green.  
“He’s your soulmate Princess, of course I was going to stalk him.” Clarke frowned at her old nickname.  
“Princess, seriously? You know I hated it when Bellamy called me that.”  
“I know and that’s why I do it.” The brunette stuck out her tongue “But all joking aside what do you think of him?”  
“After knowing him for a grand total of 6 minutes? He seems nice.” Clarke shrugged  
“Nice? That’s not a good start- dude this is your soulmate! At least try and seem pumped about this.” Raven rolled her eyes  
“I don’t know how to be ‘pumped’ about it. You guys are lucky, you’ve known who your soulmate was since you were 11!” The blonde exclaimed and it was true. Raven and Octavia had met on the first day of Junior High when Raven moved to Washington DC from Seattle and the two, although they had not become a couple until they were 16, had been inseparable ever since.  
“I can’t help finding the love of my life so young.” Octavia smirked, pressing a kiss to Raven’s cheek  
“Ugh remind me again why I’ve put up with you two this long?” Clarke leaned back in her chair in mock disgust, taking a sip of her coffee to hide her smile.  
“Cause you love us.” Raven slipped her arm around Octavia’s shoulder and kissed her cheek in return. Clarke simply made a retching noise. “And anyway I don’t know what you’re talking about, by most people’s standards you’re still pretty young to have found your soulmate too.”  
“Damn it, Raven, why you have to be the logical one?”  
“Cause I’m the one doing a degree in engineering and minoring in chemistry.” She replied nonchalantly  
“Touché.” The Latina simply hummed in response  
“Anyway…” Octavia returned the conversation to its original focus “Finn, soulmate, colour, lets gossip people! So Miss Griffin what do you think of the world in technicolour?”  
“It’s amazing, like ridiculously amazing.” Clarke turned her head to gaze out the window at the vibrant blue of the sky “I finally get what you guys were talking about.”  
“See? We weren’t just hyping it up.” The brunette grinned “Also, what’s your new roommate like?”  
“Lexa?” Clarke turned back to her friends “She’s really nice actually, a little quiet but I think that’s cause we’ve only just met.” The couple nodded in unison and Clarke was once again struck by how in sync they really were.  
“And has she…” Raven trailed off, Clarke already knew the end to that question.  
“No, she hasn’t.” Octavia and Raven smiled sadly, Clarke returned the gesture before taking the final sip of her coffee.  
“You want a refill?” Raven asked, about to rise from her seat.  
“No that’s okay, I better head back anyway.” The blonde briefly checked the time “Lexa promised me takeout for dinner tonight and I don’t want to keep her waiting on our first day of rooming together.” The two girls seated nodded before rising to each give the blonde a brief hug of farewell.  
“Have fun in classes tomorrow.” She called as she exited the coffee shop and began making her way back to the dorms.

 _~The Peaks And Troughs They Hit Us All_  
_We All Live In The Waves We’ve Created_  
_Wouldn’t Know We’re Flying Without The Falls_  
_But I’m Underground Screaming For Something~_

The next day after a whirlwind of professors, assigned reading and lectures Clarke made her way back to the dorm to find a text from Finn on her phone.  
Hey Clarke, it’s Finn. I was wondering if you’d like to meet up or something tonight? X  
I’d love that, is the rec hall OK? X  
Yeah I’ll meet you there at 6 x  
A smile spread across Clarke’s features as she reached her door and opened it to find the room empty. It was only 3:00 so she had a few hours to kill before meeting up with Finn. Her gaze was drawn to the sole photo on the pin board and made a conscious decision to draw something for it. Gathering her art supplies Clarke sat down at her desk and began to sketch in a more animated style than her usual pieces now finally being able to use colour. She began by drawing Raven and Octavia, their brown hair, Raven’s tanned skin and Octavia’s pale green eyes- the portraits were only from the chest up and sat side by side on the A4 paper, Clarke then proceeded to draw herself and realised she still had some room to her right; the obvious choice was to draw Bellamy as he had been the fourth member of their group before he went off to college two years ago but something stopped her from drawing his familiar square jaw, instead she drew a more rounded face and long hair that tumbled over narrow shoulders in waves. Before she had even realised it she had drawn Lexa. Clarke stared down at the white paper in mild surprise. The pencil had flown across the paper creating Lexa’s features as if it was made to. The blonde shook her head as if to clear it and rose from the, rather uncomfortable, desk chair before pinning the drawing onto the board, right next to the selfie she and Lexa had taken the day earlier. A proud smile tugged at the corners of her mouth just as she had the living daylights scared out of her by the door to the room opening unexpectedly. “Jesus fucking-” She stopped herself as she realised it was the same face she had been gazing at only moments before on the paper.  
“Sorry, I did not mean to startle you.” Lexa apologised, hanging her head  
“It’s cool, I’m just not used to there being someone else in my room.” Clarke chuckled “Being an only child does have its downsides.”  
“What was that like? Growing up without siblings.” Lexa asked, nervousness evident in her voice, clearly she thought she had overstepped on the sharing boundary.  
“It was…interesting. It had, has, its ups and downs. Like I’m more independent than I think I would have been had I grown up with a brother or sister- no offence.”  
“None taken.” Lexa smiled  
“But it was also really lonely, like when I would be out playing with my friends I knew eventually we would have to part ways and I’d be on my own again.”  
“Are you still lonely?” When Clarke turned to her roommate she found her still looking at the floor, unable to meet the blonde’s eyes.  
“No. I have Raven and Octavia and friends back home and now I get to live with you.” She finished with a grin.  
“And you have Finn.” Lexa’s words threw Clarke for a moment, she had honestly forgotten she now had a soulmate.  
“Yeah and Finn.”  
“Have you heard from him?”  
“Yeah, actually I’m meeting him at 6:00.” A small smile graced her features. “I should probably head down to the showers soon.”  
“If I were you I’d go now- it’s only 4:30 and people most likely won’t start showering for another 40 minutes.” Clarke stared at her blindly for a moment before Lexa explained herself “My older sister studies here and that’s what she did when she lived on-campus.” Another smile lit up the blonde’s face.  
“Ah okay-thanks for the advice Lexa and tell…” She trailed off realising she did not know Lexa’s sister’s name  
“Anya.”  
“Tell Anya thank you too.” Clarke then gathered her things and made her way down to the showers.

 _~Do You Understand_  
_Why I Put All My Plans On Hold?_  
_And Doesn't The Night Go Slow?_  
_When We Are Here Alone~_

At 5:57 exactly Clarke sat on a corner sofa in the rec hall watching a duo consisting of a tall lanky boy with glasses and a shorter Asian boy thrash a pair of tall, muscular upper-classmen at Foosball. All Clarke heard of their conversation was; “Its simple physics.” Which made her chuckle. Despite this she was still incredibly nervous, after all she was about to converse properly with her soulmate for the first time.  
“Clarke?” A voice called from behind her. Sure enough she turned and there Finn stood, looking rather nervous himself.  
“Hey, Finn.” She rose from her seat and made her way to him, enveloping him in a hug when she reached him. His hair tickled her cheek and his firm body was stiff in her arms, he reciprocated the gesture and took her hand into his own. His hand seemed to swamp hers but Clarke ignored the feeling.  
“I was thinking we could maybe hang here for a bit and then get coffee?” he smiled warmly  
“Sounds great.”  
After an hour of trying and failing to beat the two boys Clarke now knew to be Jasper and Monty, she and Finn finally admitted defeat and made their way over to the Starbucks situated opposite the rec hall that she, Octavia and Raven had occupied the night before. Finn paid for the drinks and the two found a window seat where they proceeded to make small talk, where they were originally from, what course they were studying, hobbies and the like. Now that they were alone Clarke could fully take in Finn’s appearance. The boy was of average height, lean but not what many would consider muscled with shaggy verging on long dark hair and wore dark green jeans paired with a black shirt featuring a stag design. He was attractive yes there was no denying it just not what Clarke had expected, or hoped for a soulmate in terms of looks- not that she was complaining of course. When Finn’s voice was no longer a backing track to her thoughts Clarke realised that he had asked her a question. A question that she had no idea the nature of.  
“Sorry I got a bit lost in my own thoughts there…what did you say?” he chuckled and asked again  
“I was saying, how’s your coffee?”  
“Oh.” Clarke replied, so it wasn’t that important “Good, it’s good. Thanks.” They talked for a little while more before Finn had to excuse himself in order to read the assigned chapter for his Geography lecture the next day. He bid Clarke farewell with a kiss on her cheek and another hug. And although Clarke told herself that the lack of connection she felt was due to it only being their first proper outing together somewhere deep down she knew that may not be the case.

~I Never Thought That You  
Would Be The One To Hold My Heart  
But You Came Around And You  
Knocked Me Off The Ground From The Start~

Around two months and 13 ‘dates’ later Finn finally asked Clarke for them to be official- on the 29th of November. The blonde readily agreed, her earlier concerns water under the bridge. After their fourth coffee outing Clarke had finally felt that connection over their mutual love of art and nature, since then Finn had drawn countless doodles on her coffee cups that made up the majority of his posts on Instagram- her favourite being the stag drawing based upon the shirt he wore for their first date. All other aspects of her life were going fantastically as well- art history was beyond interesting, pre-med (thanks to her mother’s previous tutelage) was a breeze and she had made an entire new group of friends. One of her best being Lexa. Every Friday they would order takeout and discuss the previous week’s happenings and get royally drunk on bourbon that Lexa somehow always had a bottle of. It was during one of these nights in that Lexa decided the pin board they began the first day they met was looking sparse. “Do you know what would be a fffantastic idea?” The brunette slurred  
“What?”  
“If we drew each other! Then put it up on the board.” She grinned and Clarke couldn’t help but grin back.  
“Lexa, have you ever drawn a person?” The blonde smirked cheekily  
“Not in a while I haven’t but how hard can it be?” Her head drooped a little but she quickly raised it to look Clarke in the eye again.  
“Okay,” Clarke groaned, rising to her feet to retrieve paper and pencils “Let’s do this.” She handed Lexa an A5 sketchpad and a set of pencils, who was rearranging herself to sit up against her bed. Clarke favoured charcoal and mirrored Lexa’s position. The room fell into silence as the two women began to draw each other, occasionally looking up to get a better perspective on the other’s features. The blonde blended the shading around Lexa’s eyes to mimic her smudged eye makeup. After rounding off the jaw Clarke then began to work on her dark hair that was currently tied back with intricate plaits that pulled the brunette tresses back from her face. Come to think of it Clarke could not remember ever seeing Lexa with her hair down.  
“Finished!” Lexa exclaimed- she was only this loud when she was under the influence of alcohol, Clarke noted.  
“Same here. Turn around on the count of three?” The brunette nodded “1”  
“2”  
“3” Both women turned round their sketch pads and both mouths dropped. “Holy shit.”  
“How the hell?”  
“Lexa what the fuck you can draw?” Before Clarke on the sketchpad was an image that she was sure had been drawn by the Pre-Raphaelites because holy shit she was staring at herself almost like she was looking in the mirror. Lexa had a sketchy style that left you knowing it was a drawing but wondering how on earth she had made the pencil strokes flow together so well.  
“So I may have lied about not drawing in a while.” She smiled shyly  
“No shit.” The blonde chuckled  
“Also I don’t know what you’re talking about that’s incredible.” She gestured to the sketchpad, before drawing closer to thumb the edge of the paper. “It looks so much like me- you really are an amazing artist, Clarke.” The blonde blushed.  
“Thank you, really.” The two locked gazes, Clarke’s raindrop blue eyes met the green of Lexa’s in a way that most movies would depict to be more than friendly. She was the first to break the stare. “Let’s go put these up.”

 _~You Taught Me The Courage Of Stars Before You Left._  
_How Light Carries On Endlessly, Even After Death._  
_With Shortness Of Breath, You Explained The Infinite._  
_How Rare And Beautiful It Is To Even Exist.~_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two-  

 

“Dismissed.” Her lecturer Professor Pike ended the class and the students, including Clarke herself began to pack away her notepad and pens along with her phone and textbook. As she exited the lecture the cold January wind sliced at her chest and knocked the breath out of her. She was just about to wrap her arms around herself when another pair did it for her and hoisted her into the air. A yelp escaped her mouth that was quickly silenced by lips reaching round to kiss her own. Finn. A smile spread across her features and she melded into the kiss and the warmth of his body. Although the man could sometimes be too forceful Clarke did love the affection he gave her. “Hey, babe.” He whispered against her ear “You wanna go see a movie tonight?”

“I’d love to, dinner before or after?” She leaned back into his embrace

“Whenever you want.” She turned in Finn’s arms and was about to press another kiss to his lips when over his shoulder she saw a familiar brunette couple.

“Raven! Octavia!” The two turned and grinned, Octavia practically dragging Raven over to the blonde.

“Hey you two.” Finn greeted them, hand firmly clasped around Clarke’s.

“Hey Lover-boy how’s it going?” Raven smirked as a greeting “You two going out?”

“Yeah, actually do you guys wanna join us? We could make it a double date!” The blonde grinned, Octavia and Raven both reciprocated the expression.

“We’d love to.” Clarke squeezed Finn’s hand gently, looking up at him. He wore a smile but it did not reach his eyes in the usual way instead Clarke was left trying to decipher the expression she saw swimming there.

“Great, meet at the rec hall at…7?”

“See you then.” Octavia smiled, glancing briefly at the silent Finn, before grasping Raven’s hand within her own and leading her away in a much calmer fashion than she had originally dragged her over with.

_~The Sun Sets Longer_

_Where I Am From_

_Where Dreams Go To Die_

_While Having Fun~_

 

Dinner had been nice- the two couples had occupied a booth at a semi-fancy Italian restaurant, the only hitch being when it came to paying the bill and Finn, rather pointedly had asked which of Raven and Octavia was being the ‘man’ and paying. They had then made the short walk to the movie theatre- Clarke was glad she had brought her thicker coat as the cold January air bit into her skin. Once there the four had proceeded to watch some post-apocalyptic drama about nuclear war and kids sent to earth to survive. It was alright- more to Finn’s taste than to Clarke’s but the evening had gone well none the less- until they left the movie theatre when Finn decided to not so subtly grab Clarke’s ass in front of around a 100 people. “Finn!” Clarke whirled around, mouth agape and eyebrows raised “What the hell?”

“What?” He shrugged “You’re my girlfriend aren’t you? Am I not allowed to touch you now?” The man crossed his arms and rolled his eyes in a similar fashion to that of a petulant child.

“Of course you can touch me, Finn, just not so inappropriately and in public.” Clarke took a step back from her boyfriend who did nothing more than take another step towards her.

“What?” He took another step and smirked “Like this.” He reached round grabbed her ass again.

“Finn!” She slapped his hand away and furrowed her brows “What is wrong with you tonight?”

“Maybe I’m not happy that you invited the Bobsy-twins along on our first date in weeks!” He shouted, throwing his arms up before clenching his fists at his sides. Clarke’s cheeks burned red with embarrassment and fury. She turned to see Raven and Octavia shuffling their feet awkwardly and looking anywhere but at the feuding couple. Their hands were not clasped together in their usual fashion.

“1. it’s only been a week and a half since our last date, 2. Those are my best friends you’re badmouthing so watch it and 3. What is your problem with them?” Clarke practically yelled the final statement but Finn remained quiet.

“Forget it.” He turned and threw a forced “I’ll talk to you later, Clarke.” Over his shoulder before storming away, hands shoved into his pockets and shoulders hunched. As soon as he was gone Octavia ran over to the blonde, grasping both her hands into one of her own.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Not really.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Clarke.” Raven came to stand beside them, her head hung and hands shoved in pockets

“Yes I did.” Clarke met the Latina’s eyes “You’re my best friends.”

“He’s your soulmate.” Octavia gestured to the empty space where Finn had previously stood. Clarke’s chest tightened.

“Yeah…he is.”

 

~I’m Sorry, I’m Sorry, I Love You  
                                           I Didn’t Mean To Say What I Said  
                                                                                          I Miss You, I Mean It, I Tried Not To Feel It  
                                                                                                                                                       But I Can’t Get You Out Of My Head~

 

After the unfortunate events of the double date, Clarke wanted nothing more than to go back to her dorm and pull the covers around her so tight that she could no longer feel fury that pumped through her veins like fire. By the time she had made it back to the room it was nearing 11:30 so Clarke tiptoed into the room, expecting her dorm mate to already be asleep. “How was your date?” a voice asked from the darkness and she swore that ten years had just been taken from her life.

“Jesus, Lexa, I didn’t know you were still awake.” Clarke placed a hand to her chest in an attempt to still her thundering heart. Her eyes began to adjust to the blackness of the room and she realised Lexa was laying down in bed on top of the duvet.

“I waited up for you.” The brunette almost whispered and a blush rose on Clarke’s cheeks- she was thankful for the darkness that cloaked the room.

“You didn’t have to you know.” She smiled, and felt around for the lamp switch. The light crept to the corners of the room, swathing it in a warm yellow glow.

“I know.” She paused for a moment “Did you have a good night?” A sigh escaped the blonde’s lips.

“No, not really.” Lexa sat up on the bed

“Clarke.” Lexa spoke her name as if she was uttering a prayer “What happened?” A shaky breath replaced Clarke’s sigh and the tears that she had been trying so hard to quell, threatened to fall.

“It’s Finn.” Clarke saw the tension ripple across Lexa’s shoulders. “We had a fight.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” The tone of Lexa’s voice was familiar to the blonde now. In the months they had lived together Clarke had been able to pick up on when the older girl was trying to seem unaffected. "Do- do you want to talk about it?”

“He just…” she sucked in a ragged breath to steady herself. “He was inappropriate and then started making snide comments about Octavia and Raven.

“What about them?” Lexa asked, the unaffected tone replaced by one of concern

“I don’t really know- just the fact I invited them without really asking him maybe?” The blonde paced the small floor space, thinking over his words “I don’t know.” Her shoulders slumped, defeated, and she came to sit on Lexa’s bed burrowing her face into her hands. Clarke felt the bed shift. When the blonde eventually raised her head she was gazing straight into the forests of Lexa’s eyes. She wanted to wander in and never leave the foliage. “He’s my soulmate.” She choked out, the tears finally burning down her cheeks. “Soulmates aren’t supposed to fight, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Octavia and Raven have anything even resembling an argument.” Lexa placed a gentle arm around Clarke’s shoulder.

“You said they’ve known since they were eleven, right?” Clarke nodded “Then they’ve had all that time to work this out. You and Finn, you’re new to this, Clarke, there’s bound to be problems. Give it time, you’ll figure it out.” One side of her mouth twitched up in a shadow of a smile.

“Thanks, Lexa.” The blonde surged forward and wrapped her up in a tight hug, burying her face into her neck. Lexa’s arms hung loosely at her sides for a moment before she wound them around the blonde’s waist.

“Anything for you, Clarke…anything.” It was so quiet Clarke thought she must have imagined it.

_~Life Is A Gorgeous_

_Broken Gift_

_Six Billion Pieces_

_Just Waiting To Be Fixed~_

Around a week and a half later Finn finally called and apologised. Keeping Lexa’s advice in mind about them being new to the whole soulmate thing Clarke accepted his apology and within a couple of weeks they were back to normal. The next couple of months passed without so much as a hitch, they had a great Valentine’s day choosing to stay in and Finn making them both dinner, Clarke’s classes were going well and she was becoming fast friends with Lexa who seemed to be opening up to the blonde more and more each day.

It was late one Friday night in March when Finn had (once again) cancelled their date plans that Lexa opened up to her far more than she ever had previously and Clarke told her more than she had ever even thought about telling Finn, or anyone. “What’s it like?” Lexa’s voice travelled from the desk at which she was sat. The left side of her face was warmed a shade of yellow by the desk light at her side and the green of her eyes had never seemed brighter. Clarke assumed she was asking about seeing the world in colour, Lexa having not found her soulmate yet, the blonde opened her mouth to reply but quickly shut it again as Lexa finished her question. “To grow up with a mom?” Clarke was stunned into silence, her previously shut mouth now opening and closing in a similar fashion to the goldfish she had had as a pet when she was 7. It took the blonde another moment to regain what little was left of her composure before she could even fathom a reply.

“You don’t…” her voice trailed off _‘Smooth, Griffin, smooth’_

“She died when I was five.” Lexa said simply, her voice once again taking on the familiar unaffected tone “I do not remember what she was like…what it was like.”

“It was…it was nice I guess, knowing that I had someone else other than my father that was there for me.” Clarke tried to not let her voice crack as she mentioned him. “She’s pushy…wanting me to choose medicine over art but that’s just cause she wants what she thinks is best for me. Mom’s been great, especially since-” She had to stop as her voice rose an octave and compose herself “Since my dad died.” Those green eyes Clarke had begun to know so well widened, allowing her to see the hazel flecks around the pupil.

“Clarke I had no idea I-”

“It’s okay, Lexa, I know you didn’t know…only Raven and Octavia know.” The blonde swallowed “He died when I was 16, there was an accident at work, something to do with the air pressure in a chamber or something, there was an explosion…I try not to think about the details.” Lexa was staring at her so intently that Clarke was reminded of critics at an art gallery staring down a painting. “He…when they got to him…they didn’t recognise him anymore.” A sob escaped her lips, there were no tears though; she had shed plenty of those a long time ago. “My mom built me back up when his death brought me crashing down, I don’t know if I’d still be here without her.”

“I’m glad you are.” Blue eyes met green and it felt like the sky was touching the ground. “Here, I mean.” Lexa rose from the desk chair and kneeled in front of Clarke who was sat on her bed. “I’m so sorry, Clarke, no one deserves to have to go through that and especially not you. I’m lucky, I don’t remember losing my mother but that means I can’t even comprehend of what you must have gone through, what you go through every day. All I can say is…” Lexa placed a hand on Clarke’s knee. Electricity shot through every fibre of her being. “I’m here for you Clarke, your needs are my needs and I will treat them as such.”

“Thank you.” Clarke whispered and lurched forward into wrapping Lexa up in a hug. The other girl stroked Clarke’s blonde tresses to calm her.

“What’re friends for?”

They never spoke of that night again but Clarke knew that they had both meant every word they had said.

 

_~I Don’t Believe_

_In Talking_

_Just To_

_Breathe~_

 

Upon arriving back at the dorm after her last lecture before Clarke returned home for Easter break, the blonde could not help but admire the pin board that had slowly begun to flesh out with doodles and photos and mementos of Clarke and Lexa’s growing friendship. What drew her gaze above all the other scraps of paper was the drawing Lexa had done of Clarke. The mark making still entranced her, especially those that made up the highlights and shadows of Clarke’s irises. A grin split her face, she’d have to draw with Lexa again sometime. Just as the thought came to her Lexa walked through the door, almost crashing into Clarke. “Oh God, sorry I didn’t see you.” A smile tugged at her full lips and Clarke was once again entranced by how much the brunette had come out of her shell since she met her. At least around her anyway.

“It’s okay, it was my fault anyway; I shouldn’t stand in the way of the door.” They awkwardly shuffled into the larger floor area of the dorm room “I just couldn’t help but look at that drawing of me you did. It’s fantastic Lexa, like _really_ fucking good.” The brunette blushed and hung her head. “Hey look at me when I pay you a compliment.” Clarke smirked “Actually I was wondering if you wanted to do some drawing, or painting or whatever with me again sometime? Maybe when we’re not as drunk this time.” Both girls laughed in unison.

“I’d love to, I’m actually free tonight: Lincoln cancelled our plans.” The hope in Lexa’s face almost made Clarke’s heart melt.

“Then it’s a date- we can order pizza, watch a movie and make some art.” The blonde winked, grabbing her cell phone. “I’ll go order it now- there’s better service in the hallway.”

 

_~Let’s Go Outside_

_And All Join Hands_

_But Until Then_

_You’ll Never Understand~_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three-

 

A few days after returning to campus after the break Raven and Octavia approached Clarke with the mind-set that a party would be a great idea. 

“Come on, Clarke, Bell said we could use the apartment while he’s on his ‘romantic getaway’ with Gina this weekend.”

“Uh huh and did he say you guys could use it for a party?” She rolled her eyes.

“Dude, when Bellamy says use the apartment you know this is exactly what he means.” Octavia grinned that special grin she reserved only for when she was proving Clarke wrong.

“Ugh fine, I’ll come,” She relented, folding her arms across her chest and shifting her weight from her left foot to her right, indignation emanating from her every pore.

“Who said you were invited?” Raven mimicked Clarke’s stance which earned her a well-placed slap across the arm. “Okay. Ow.”

“You are aware that I know the exact vein to cut that’ll leave you bleeding out and dead within three minutes right?” The couple looked at the very serious expression on Clarke’s face, a glance passed between them.

“Okay you can come.”

“Bring Lover-boy along with you, he’s supplying the alcohol.” Clarke nodded once, when a thought occurred to her.

“What about Lexa?”

“Yeah, she’s already invited.” Octavia replied, Clarke and Raven gave her a look “What, she’s fun.”

“How would you know that? Everytime I’ve seen her she’s either been reading, brooding or had headphones on.”

“I hang out with her and Lincoln at the gym- we do circuits together.” Octavia shrugged.

_‘Lexa goes to the gym?’_ Clarke mused _‘I’d never noticed under all those baggy hoodies’_

“Lincoln, that’s Lexa’s brother right?” Clarke re-joined the conversation

“Adopted but yeah.” Octavia replied

“Lincoln’s adopted?” Clarke furrowed her brow

“No, Lexa and Anya are- I mean they’re not biological sisters either.”

“So, Lincoln’s parents adopted Anya and Lexa separately?”

_“_ Yes but Lexa was adopted with her brother Aden, also _Parent.”_ Octavia corrected. “Indra- the Geography professor.”

“Finn’s Geography professor?”

“Yes, now geez let’s stop with the barrage of questions and get to party planning!”

“Fine, come on I call dip duty.” Clarke grabbed the hand of each girl and began dragging the in the direction of the town.

“But that’s the easiest duty!” Octavia sulked, a grin crept up the corners of Clarke’s mouth.

“Exactly.”

_~I Just Want_

_To Be By Your Side_

_If These Wings_

_Could Fly~_

When Clarke returned to the dorm she was surprised to see Lexa already there, sat on her bed in nothing more than shorts and a tank top. And with her hair down “Hey Lexa.” She greeted, trying not to stare at her roommate’s exposed skin “I thought you wouldn’t be back till later.”

“Professor Kane was ill and didn’t set any work. Everyone else went to the rec hall but I thought I’d come back here and catch up on my Lit reading.” The brunette turned to look over her shoulder at the blonde who was still stood in front of the doorway. “You okay?”

“Yeah I just…Octavia told me you were adopted.” She watched Lexa’s shoulders tense, the muscles there that were obviously from her gym sessions contracting “Don’t be mad, it just came up in conversation and I…the way you spoke I assumed you lived with your dad.” Lexa sighed, her shoulders losing their tension.

“My dad he…” a breath whistled through her teeth, Clarke took a few tentative steps forward, reaching her headboard and being greeted by the sight of Lexa’s toned and tanned arms clutching a copy of _The Price of Salt_. “He’s in prison…we went into a corner store one day while Aden was at soccer practise and he pulled a gun and told me to get down as he robbed them. Money was tight back then and he thought that was the solution but…” Lexa’s breath rattled through her ribcage “He shot the girl who was working on the register.” Clarke tried to keep her expression neutral but couldn’t help the twitch of her brow. “Say whatever it is you want to, Clarke, I’ve heard it all before.” The brunette put her book down and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa’s eyes snapped up, confusion warping her features “That’s so awful that he had to do that just because of your financial situation.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry.” Clarke said again, her brow furrowing “If you think this is gonna effect the way I feel about you then you are sorely mistaken, Lexa. You’re my best friend, you’re people are my people and just because your dad did a bad thing doesn’t mean I don’t want to be friends with you.” Clarke could see the tears welling at the corners of Lexa’s eyes and it was like a river bursting its grassy banks. “Have you heard that one before?”

“No.” she choked out and now it was Clarke’s turn to hold onto Lexa’s shaking frame.

“Thank you, Clarke, your heart is one of the strongest I’ve ever known- it shows no sign of weakness even in the worst of times.” Clarke shushed her and held her closer.

“Nothing I say can make you hate me?” Lexa almost whispered

“Nothing.” She reiterated

“I’m gay, Clarke.” The blonde took in a deep breath, breathing in the tell-tale scent of Lexa before replying.

“And that’s okay, Lexa.” The brunette began to sob again and all Clarke could do was hold her and tell her that it was all okay.

 

~ _So Show Me_

_Your Soul_

_And I’ll Show You_

_Mine~_

On Friday the 24th of April Octavia and Raven hosted the party the three had been planning which Finn took to be an excuse for not having to take Clarke out for their weekly date (which wasn’t so weekly anymore) as he was ‘escorting her to the party’ the statement was followed by a goofy grin that wasn’t as cute as it once had been and a roll of the eyes from the blonde. Upon arrival Clarke was greeted at the door by Raven who enveloped her in a hug and greeted Finn by taking the large beer keg from his hands and wheeling it away. “There better be more.” Raven tossed over her shoulder and Finn took his hand from its placed entwined with Clarke’s to give her the finger.

“I’ll go get the rest from the car.” He announced to no one in particular and turned away from Clarke without so much as a look in her eyes. The blonde huffed and entered the apartment, she as shocked to find well over a 100 people in the small living area with more people streaming in and out of the bedroom and kitchen.

“Jesus Christ how many people did you guys invite?” Clarke asked the empty space where Raven had previously been standing before she had carted off the beer keg.

“Clarke!” A very loud and very drunk voice called her attention away from the gathered masses, when she turned to the source of the shout she found Jasper to be weaving his way through the crowds and waving a red cup of what Clarke assumed was beer.

“Hey Jasper.” A grin split her face “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Ugh Chem is _killing_ me man.” He wound an arm around her shoulder and despite his clearly drunken state and smell Clarke laughed.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Nah isss cool, I deal…” He blinked a few times slowly, casting his gaze around the room and then focusing back on her “Hey, how come you don’t have a drink?”

“I just got here-” However Clarke could not finish as she was being dragged over to the kitchen where she cast her blue eyes upon a rainbow cornucopia of varying multi-coloured alcohols. _Raven must have gotten some anyway._ “Wow.”

“I know right!” Jasper practically shrieked, pouring her a vodka shot and a one for himself, they downed them and he then offered her his beer. After looking around for Finn and finding him nowhere to be seen Clarke shrugged and downed it as well. “Clarke, you’re on fire!”

“Pour me another, I’m gonna drink you guys under the table.”

 

And Clarke did, leaving herself very, _very_ drunk. Around an hour after her arrival she overheard someone mention that Lincoln was trying to flirt with Octavia _‘If Lincoln’s here then Lexa probably is too’_ Clarke’s gaze wandered around the room and, with Finn nowhere to be seen, she set off in search of her roommate.

She found her walking out of the bathroom, a half full cup of beer in her hand and wearing a white button up and black tie. “Wow.” Clarke breathed into the empty space “You look amazing.” Lexa turned, upon realising it was Clarke who paid her the compliment she smiled. If Clarke had been a little bit more sober she may have also noticed the blush that coloured the brunette’s cheeks.

“Hello, Clarke. Are you having fun?”

“Sssso much fun.” The blonde grinned, leaning against the wall in an attempt to seem cool and collected. Lexa saw right through it.

“You also seem to be a little drunk.” The smile that twitched at the right side of Lexa’s mouth, Clarke began to recognise was reserved only for her.

“Jusst a littttle bit.” Clarke grinned “What about you?”

“Not really, I only got here 20 minutes ago, Lincoln was running late as usual.” Clarke barked a laugh “Would you like to take a drink with me Clarke?”

“Hell yeah!” The blonde grasped Lexa’s hand within her own and dragged her to the kitchen, Lexa complied and let a giggle escape her lips that Clarke dubbed to be the finest music she had ever heard. Upon arriving in the kitchen and seeking out a bottle of what seemed to some sort of alcopop Clarke dropped Lexa’s hand, her own felt cold at the lack of contact with the brunette. She poured the drinks but suddenly realised Lexa still had half a cup of beer grasped tightly in her right hand. The blonde watched on as she downed it in two gulps and then downed the next drink. Clarke’s mouth hung open.

“I can hold my alcohol.” Lexa shrugged like it was nothing and Clarke laughed, loud and hearty and if she had been paying attention the blonde would have noticed that it made Lexa smile wider than she had ever seen her do so before. Clarke flung an arm around her roommates shoulder and rested her head on the other girl’s shoulder.

“I’m so glad we’re roommates.”

“Me too, Clarke.” The moment lasted for a minute longer where Clarke just couldn’t bring herself to pull away but eventually she knew it would be necessary before it became weird and the moment that she cherished was ruined. “Wanna take a selfie, you know remember the moment and everything?”

“Yeah!” Clarke whipped out her phone and pressed a kiss to Lexa’s cheek before snapping the photo “Wanna dance?” Lexa’s eyebrows raised and her eyes widened when she realised Clarke wasn’t taking no for an answer. The blonde smirked and dragged her back into the living area where the music was the loudest and a few more people were moving along to the rhythm. Lexa took a while to get into it but once she had the two danced for a good 45 minutes, only stopping for more drinks. It was when a slower song came over the sound system that Clarke let her gaze stray from the girl in front of her. When she did she locked eyes with Finn who instantly began to storm towards her. “Finn hey!” Clarke barely noticed Lexa stiffen beside her

“Clarke.” His voice was hard as marble, smoothed out of all emotion. The blonde’s brows furrowed,

“What’s wrong?” she reached her hand forward to place it reassuringly on his arm but the man wrenched it back as if she had burned him.

“What’s wrong?” He echoed, his voice poison “What’s wrong!?” It was louder that time and Clarke flinched. “Maybe what’s _wrong_ is that my _girlfriend_ hasn’t said two words to me all night and instead has been drinking and dancing and hanging out with her roommate who she sees _every fucking day_.” The haze of alcohol dissolved and Clarke’s jaw locked.

“I see _you_ every day, Finn.” Clarke’s voice was as level as Finn’s had been which only seemed to infuriate the man further. His brown eyes blazed and his fists clenched so tightly that his knuckles turned to snow.

“You’re supposed to, you’re my girlfriend.” The music’s volume had been lowered and more and more eyes were beginning to turn to the bickering couple. Clarke simply scoffed

“ _Supposed to?_ I’ll have you know I’m not ‘supposed’ to do anything for you, I do it because I love you.”

“You sure about that? Because if you loved me you’d be spending time with me rather than hanging out with this dyke.” He gestured to Lexa who stood at Clarke’s side. A hush fell over the room and Clarke swore she heard her heart crack along with Lexa’s. Blue eyes burned ice and her lips curled up into a snarl. The blonde stepped in front of Lexa, as if to shield her from Finn’s words and took a menacing step towards her boyfriend.

“How _fucking_ dare you!” she thrust a hand into the man’s chest, pushing him backwards “That ‘dyke’ is my best friend and you’d be wise to watch what you say about her otherwise you won’t be able to say anything at all due to me ripping the tongue from your mouth!” Clarke pushed him backwards again and he stumbled, the blonde couldn’t place the expression on his face but it resembled something along the lines of fear, verging on terror. “Now I know why you don’t like Raven and Octavia, because you’re a homophobic bastard who needs to sort out his fucked up world views.” She shoved him again. “Finn Collins, you are a shit boyfriend.” A push “Shit soulmate.” Another push “And even shittier person.” With one final push they were at the door.

“So what if I am homophobic.” He managed to snarl “What does it matter to you?” the blonde was quiet for a moment. He thought he had won. A smirk began to creep its way across his features.

“Get this.” Clarke stepped back, her eyes travelled over the faces of the gathered partygoers, she flicked her fiery blue eyes back to Finn “I’m bisexual.” His mouth dropped, his body loosened and Clarke was able to shove him out the door with one last push. She turned back to the living room, where every party guest had accumulated. “Don’t you all have alcohol to be drinking!?” She yelled; they quickly dispersed, none of them wanting to cross the enraged blonde. Once they had Clarke instantly hurried back to Lexa who had not moved since Finn had first began his assault on her. “Lexa.” The brunette didn’t even look at her, her eyes were glued to the door. “Lexa come on.” Clarke urged and her eyes snapped back to the blonde. Clarke tried not to gasp at how _haunted_ Lexa looked, as if she had seen a ghost and someone had walked over her grave simultaneously. “Let’s get out of here.” The blonde took Lexa’s hand and shot Octavia a look that said _‘make everyone forget this happened’_ and dragged Lexa out the door.

 

_~_ _My Heartbeat Stumbles_

_And My Backbone Crumbles  
                                                                                      I Feel, Is It Real _

_As The Lynch Mob Doubles~_

The two girls continued to walk far into the town until they made it to a 24 hour cafe, during their journey Clarke’s hand had not left Lexa’s and even now their fingers remained entwined. The stars above the two women burned like fireflies, pinpricks in the patchwork of the blue and black sky. Clarke was the first to speak, her voice slightly hoarse. “Do you wanna get a coffee?” Lexa nodded once so the blonde dropped her hand and instead opened the metal swing door for her, letting the brunette through before following. Lexa sat in one of the booths while Clarke ordered two black coffees and paid at the register. The café itself was rundown, pale yellow walls with cracks that flaked constellations across the paint and beaten down leather booths with springs protruding like Raven’s Tibia through the skin when she broke her leg three summers ago. The woman behind the counter gave Lexa a look that resembled sympathy and Clarke a reassuring smile which the blonde returned. “You gonna be okay?” Clarke asked upon returning to Lexa’s side, she was met with hollow eyes. “Right, stupid question.” She sat opposite Lexa and placed the coffee in front of the girl who cupped it with pale hands. Clarke had never seen Lexa like this before; the tie she wore had started to come undone, the braids of her hair were offset and her face was so down trodden that Clarke thought her heart would break. The silence that stretched between them was painful, it permeated the air like gas that would eventually choke the both of them. After a few minutes Clarke could no longer stand it. “I’m so sorry, Lexa, there aren’t enough words in the English language to tell you how sorry I am.”

“You should not apologise for the actions of another, Clarke.” In that moment the blonde realised no one could ever say her name the way that Lexa did, the click of the K on her tongue that was just so…Lexa. “Finn may be your boyfriend but his actions do not reflect you, just as my father’s do not reflect mine.”

“That doesn’t excuse his behaviour, and since I know he has no intent of apologising, I’ll have to say it on his behalf.” Clarke looked down at the murky brown of the tasteless coffee and the way a few specs of the beans swirled round the edge of the cup. “If I’d known…if I’d known that he was-how he felt about-” Clarke sighed “I never would have started dating him.” She shook her head.

“He’s your soulmate, Clarke, flaws and all.” Lexa whispered, she looked up at Clarke with sorrow in those green eyes of hers and Clarke wanted nothing more than to look away from the pain swirling in her irises but she couldn’t, wouldn’t, give in like that.

“How can I be with a person who hates a whole part of who I am? Who hates my best friends because of who they’re in love with…who hates you.” A beat “If Finn is my soulmate then I’d rather be alone forever because being with Finn means giving you up and that’s not something I’m prepared to do.”

“Clarke, you can’t give up your soulmate for me.”

“Why not?”

“Because knowing you’ll be alone forever is _far_ worse!” It was the first time Clarke had heard Lexa shout and it made her physically _shiver_ to see the quiet best friend she knew so well turn into a completely different woman.

“Lexa…” The brunette sighed, running a hand through her hair and clenching her other fist.

“Her name was Costia.” She began and Clarke knew, just by the tone of her voice that this was a story that was not to be interrupted. “We met when we were 14. I saw colour. The caramel of her skin and the deep brown of her eyes and she saw the green of mine.” A ghost of a smile caressed Lexa’s lips “I was so happy Clarke, we waited a year before we became official but I loved her since the day I saw her. We would watch orange blaze across the sky as the sun rose and the blue crash against the cliffs at the beach. Then I watched the red bleed out of her chest onto a linoleum floor after my dad shot her in that fucking corner store that she decided to get a job in. Then I watched it turn grey as she died.” Tears dripped into Lexa’s coffee cup, mixing with the remnants of the drink.

“Lexa I…” Lexa raised her hand to stop her and held a level stare with the blonde.

“So don’t you dare give up your chance at happiness for me, Clarke Griffin, because I couldn’t bear to be the cause of you missing out on true love.”

 

~From Walking Home And Talking Loads  
                                            To Seeing Shows In Evening Clothes With You  
                                                                               From Nervous Touch And Getting Drunk  
                                                                                                                   To Staying Up And Waking Up With You~


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four-

 

After the party incident Clarke took a few days to return to classes, she only missed four lectures which she could easily catch up on with the help of her mom’s old Med notes that Abby had emailed to her at the start of the semester. Besides Clarke already knew all about the Dageurrein process. Lexa hadn’t felt much like classes either so instead the two had remained in the room, drawing, watching movies and avoiding responsibilities. The pin board now contained even more doodles and a selfie or two taken on Clarke’s underused Polaroid camera, including the one from the party.

On the third day both girls realised that hiding from the world was doing them no good and so they returned to campus life, heads held high and with a few pats on the back from students who had either seen or heard of Clarke’s admirable actions at the party. She shrugged them off, they weren’t admirable at all; they were human. There was no sign of Finn either, Clarke did however see Lincoln across the quad on her way back to the dorm, who responded to her wave be racing towards her and enveloping Clarke in a hug that lifted her from the ground. Upon putting her down he grasped her shoulders tightly “Thank you for defending my sister, Clarke. You really do live up to the hype.” He grinned in a way that seemed far too boyish for his muscular stature.

“Hype?” the blonde replied confused

“Yeah, Lexa talks about you all the time, you must be the best friend she’s ever had.” Her chest swelled at his words and a blush coloured her cheeks.

“Thanks, Lincoln and defending Lexa? It was nothing, Finn was out of line.”

“You’re not wrong there.” The man checked his watch “Shit, I’m gonna be late to my lecture but I’ll catch you later Clarke.”

“See you.”

After Clarke’s interaction with Lincoln she stopped off at the on campus Starbucks where she and Finn had had their first date and bought coffees for her and Lexa. Hurrying back to the dorm so that the steam producing from the drinks would not dissapate Clarke was given a few more impressed looks and brief words of encouragement from students. The pale green walls of the corridor no longer seemed as entrancing as they had been when Clarke first saw colour…when she met Finn. A sigh escaped her despite herself. How was she supposed to spend the rest of her life with a man like Finn, a man who felt the way he did, who acted the way he did…who _was_ him. Upon reaching the wooden door she had come to know so well Clarke put on a brave face for the woman on the other side who was taking this far worse than the blonde. Lexa had revealed that she had never been properly ‘out’ before, instead choosing to only tell her family and a few close friends. Come to think of it, Clarke had never actually come out of the flannel closet…well until now. She couldn’t help but admit to herself that when she found out that Finn was to be her soulmate she was slightly disappointed- Clarke’s attraction to girls had always been stronger than that of her attraction to men. Pushing these thoughts to the back of her mind Clarke opened the door to find Lexa hunched over the desk frantically typing on her laptop and large headphones covering her ears. Since the party incident Lexa had stopped wearing the baggy hoodies and sweat pants she had previously favoured and instead showed her toned arms and legs more often.

Clarke set the coffee down next to the brunette who smiled up at Clarke in response. She returned the gesture and made herself comfy on her bed, selecting the art history text book and opening it to her bookmarked page. The two girls continued like that for a while, happily doing their own thing in silence before Clarke grew bored and began to think and decided to broach the subject that had plagued her subconscious and broke the silence.

“Lexa,” the brunette hummed a response “Can I ask…what was Costia like?” a shuddering breath escaped Lexa’s lips and Clarke instantly regretted her words “I mean you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want-”

“She was a musician.” Clarke was silenced “Guitar, violin, piano…her fingers would fly over the keys like nothing I’d ever seen before. That’s how we met actually.” She paused for a moment “I’d stayed back after class to try out for the track team and when I was walking back through the corridors I heard music from one of the classrooms. I was so busy staring at the piano keys I didn’t even realise I could see colour.” A chuckle bubbled up which was quickly replaced by a sob. “I missed three buses that night because we talked for so long. After that we would meet in the same music room every Thursday after classes were over.” The blonde couldn’t help but stare at Lexa’s toned back- the tanned skin peeping out from the neckline of her tank top,  and something else…something Clarke had never noticed before; a tattoo. She could only see what seemed to be a circle with a few broken lines through its circumference- it was pure black line which Clarke assumed must have been because of Lexa’s inability to see colour again. Clarke could stare no longer at the intricate design as Lexa turned round and their eyes met as they had countless times before but this time something was different, they were different. “She was one of the most beautiful people I’d ever seen and not just physically, she had a beautiful soul too; kind and caring and always putting others before herself, especially her family. That’s why she got the job at the corner store, so that they could have some extra income for when it came to pay for her college tuition.” She could see it was becoming difficult for Lexa to continue so Clarke rose from the bed and placed a gentle hand on the brunette’s shoulder.

“Thanks for opening up to me, Lexa, I know how it must be for you to talk about her.” A smile ghosted her lips that did not reach her eyes.

“You’re the only person I’ve ever felt able to tell.” The blonde was taken aback for a moment before recovering and squeezing Lexa’s shoulder comfortingly. Her gaze once again travelled to the overflowing pin board and its many photographs, the physical documentation of their friendship seemed to be lacking something…lacking depth, lacking the presence of others.

“Lexa…do you, do you want to draw her? To put up on the pin board I mean, for like closure.”

“You’d let me do that?”

“I’d do anything for you.” The words surprised the both of them and Clarke could not help but think of when she had thought she had heard Lexa utter similar words. The two girls remained silent for a moment, both unsure of how to react to this confession. The silence stretched, stretched, stretched until it was paper thin and Lexa broke it.

“Thank you, Clarke.”

“Yeah, uhm whatever you need you know?” The brunette rose, taking a pencil from the pot on her desk and moving to grab a sketchpad from one of the draws, Clarke turned away.

“The same goes for you.”

“Hmmm?”

“I’d do anything for you too.”

_~The Tears Come Streaming Down Your Face  
_

_When You Lose Something You Can't Replace_

_When You Love Someone_

_But it goes to waste~_

 

Clarke had seen hide nor tail of Finn for almost a month and as the final exams of the year drew to a close Clarke found she did not care. Finn’s presence in her life over the last year had gone from a blessing to a hindrance, he insulted her friends, cared only for his own personal growth and was overall a toxic person. The wind that blew across the quad whistled through the foliage of the trees that surrounded her. It tousled Clarke’s hair, a small lock getting caught on one of her eyelashes. She squeezed her eyes shut in response and was met with a giggle from the brunette in front of her, she sensed a hand reach out and sure enough the hair was removed and was replaced by a warm hand cupping her cheek. Clarke suppressed a shiver. “Your nose is all scrunched up.”

“Probably because I just got poked in the eye with my own hair, Lexa.” Clarke grumbled, earning another laugh from her roommate. The contact was lost as Lexa removed her hand, the blonde opened her eyes and watched as Lexa took a long drink from the can of Pepsi by her side. She suppressed a groan. “Why the hell you prefer Pepsi over Coke I will never know.”

“Are we seriously having this argument again?” a smirk played across Lexa’s full lips. Clarke tried not to stare. She shook her head.

“Yes we are having this argument again because I’m right, Coke is better.” She crossed her arms indignantly.

“No, Pepsi is, it has more flavour.” Lexa mirrored her actions, Clarke knew it was only to rile her more yet she fell straight for it.

“Coke is the superior beverage.”

“You’re a liar.”

“ _You’re_ a liar.”

“Wow, Clarke, real mature.” Lexa rolled her eyes playfully and Clarke did nothing more than stick her tongue out.

“Hey ladies…what’s going on?” Both girls snapped their eyes up to find Raven and Octavia standing over them, smirks plastered across their faces.

“Raven, Octavia, _please_ will you explain to Lexa that Coke is better than Pepsi.” Clarke folded her arms again, turning to her roommate, a lopsided grin tugging at the left side of her mouth.

“Sorry, Princess, I’ve gotta agree with Lexa over there. Pepsi is way better.” The blonde’s mouth dropped and she glared up at the Latina.

“Are you kidding me?”

“Nope.” Octavia joined the conversation “I second that by the way, Pepsi is way better.”  Clarke flicked her gaze to Octavia for a moment before turning to Lexa. The brunette wore a shit eating grin that Clarke wanted to wipe off her face.

“Guess that means I win, Clarke.” Lexa’s grin widened

“That’s it!” The blonde lunged for Lexa, aiming straight for her sides that she knew were ticklish. Lexa saw it coming but it was a second too late and was subjected to Clarke’s hands jabbing into her sides. She let out a yelp as Octavia and Raven jumped back, laughing heartily as the two girls struggled on the floor. The two scuffled for a minute longer before a male voice stopped them in their tracks.

“Clarke.” The roommates jumped apart, the carefree laughter that filled the air a moment ago a forgotten memory. Clarke stared up at the man in front of her, she rose to her feet calmly.

“Finn.” They squared up to each other, neither one wishing to be the first to break the gaze. Clarke tried not to notice Lexa curling in on herself or Raven and Octavia dropping each other’s hands.

“I was hoping we could talk, in private.”

“Whatever you want to say to me you can say in front of my friends.” The blonde shot back, firsts curling at her sides, nails digging into white hot palms.

“Clarke.” How was it possible for the same word to sound so different coming from two different mouths. The way Finn said her name made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end, her fingers twitch and brows furrow. Lexa…Lexa’s tongue clicking the K, the way it dripped from her mouth like she was holy, it made Clarke feel like the most importance person to ever walk the Earth or dance in the stars. Lexa made Clarke melt and her inhibitions fall away, she tried to ignore the fact that her best friend shouldn’t make her feel like that. “It’s okay.” Fingers entwining with hers “We’ll give you two some space.” A squeeze. “I’ll see you back at the Dorm.” Loss of contact.

“So I-”

“Before you utter another word I want you to realise the consequences of your actions.” Clarke hushed the man in front of her. She inhaled through her nose and exhaled through her mouth “You outed someone, outed a girl who had never been out before and caused her to share with the world something she wasn’t ready to yet.”

“I know and I’m sorry.” Clarke took a step back

“What?”

“I’m sorry, I want to apologise to Lexa as well but I thought coming to you first would be the best idea.” He shuffled his feet and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. An uncomfortable silence descended upon the two- it was strange because to them if felt as if the whole campus had gone quiet but life went on around them, the wind blew, the students chattered and the clouds passed overhead. “I am sorry, Clarke, for everything. I didn’t treat you the way I should have and I didn’t give your friends he respect they deserved. This time apart helped me realise that…it helped me realise a lot of things.” For a moment Clarke thought Finn was about to come out as gay, a smile fluttered at the side of her mouth but was quickly dropped with his next words. “You’re my soulmate, Clarke, I know that…but I’m not yours.”

“What are you talking about?” She took another step back, heart thundering in her ears; blood rushed through her veins like a winters flood. “How can you not be my soulmate?”

“I don’t know how but I’m not.” He shrugged as if it was nothing but Clarke could see the pain behind the brown eyes she had fallen in love with.

“So what my biology is just fucked?” The blonde threw her arms up the air in exasperation.

“Maybe, I really don’t know Clarke…I’m so sorry. I just want you to know, whatever happens; I hope you’re happy.” A sad smile crept across Finn’s features before he wrapped Clarke up in a hug. “Goodbye, Clarke…good luck.” The boy she thought she loved walked away for the final time.

Students passed by

The leaves rustled in the trees.

The birds flew by.

The world kept turning.

Clarke’s had stopped.

 

_~Give Me A Memory_

_I Can Use_

_Take Me_

_By The Hand~_

 

Clarke had wandered around the campus for a good hour since Finn’s apology, letting her thoughts wash over her like waves; some good, some bad.

 _Good-_ Finn had apologised.

 _Bad-_ He had dropped a bomb on her.

 _Good-_ He wasn’t her soulmate.

 _Bad-_ Her biology had defied her.

 _Good-_ This would make an interesting medical study.

 _Bad-_ She didn’t know how to continue.

Everything had seemed fall into place that day in August. She had her first year of college planned out, a roommate, amazing friends and had found her soulmate after only 18 years of living.

Now it was nearing the end of the year, her roommate would be leaving to go home for the summer and her soulmate wasn’t really her soulmate at all.

After another half an hour of wandering Clarke decided to look for Octavia and Raven, figuring they’d be in the coffee shop she headed in its direction. Sure enough as she neared the shop front she saw the couple sat on one of the metal tables outside, sharing-what seemed to be- a Frappuccino. Octavia saw her first. She stood up from her chair in record time and took one step towards her. “Clarke, are you okay?” Raven looked up from the coffee cup and watched as Clarke crumpled before her eyes.

“No.” The Latina instantly grabbed a chair from the other table and swung it round for Clarke to sit on. The blonde practically fell into the seat. “Honey what’s wrong?”

“It’s Finn.” The couple bristled at the name

“What’s that dick done now?”

“I swear I will kick him so hard he’ll see stars.” They chorused but Clarke hushed them with a flick of her wrist.

“No, no, he hasn’t done anything- he apologised actually.” She inhaled slowly. “He said…Finn told me that I was his soulmate but he’s not mine.” The two shared a look.

“And how exactly does that work?”

“I don’t know…but that’s what he said.” Clarke mulled this over for a moment. “I’ve heard of this happening- you being someone’s soulmate but they’re not yours…but I’ve never heard of both of you seeing colour and it happening.” Raven and Octavia shared another look “Surely if he wasn’t my soulmate I’d still see black and white, or lose colour now. Am I just messed up?” Tears streamed from her eyes, Clarke’s chest seized up, her breath was shallow. A war rattling underneath her ribcage. “Am I never going to get to be happy?”

“Clarke.” Octavia spoke gently, reaching forward to place a comforting hand on the blonde’s arm. Octavia’s hand seemed to burn Clarke’s cold flesh. She did not react. “Clarke.” she tried again. Clarke wasn’t listening. The world seemed to be falling in on her, coffee spilling, chairs clattering and the shopfront crashing down upon her. Memories flashed behind her eyelids like a movie, her father’s death, her childhood best friend moving away, Finn’s harsh words, Lexa crying over Costia. Everyone hurting, everyone in pain. “Clarke.” The blonde snapped her eyes up to Octavia, mascara carving pathways from her eyes to her lips. “You will be happy, you’re not broken.”

“Then why is it that I see colour when I clearly don’t have a soulmate?” Yet another look passed between the couple. “Okay why do you two keep looking at each other like that?” Raven’s eyes widened.

“Well…uhm, we were just…”

“Spit it out, Raven.”

“Have you ever thought that maybe you have a different soulmate…that’s why you see colour?” She looked down at a torn piece of napkin caught within the metal cut-outs of the table.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I saw colour when I met Finn who else could my soulmate be?” The blonde rolled her eyes, tears drying up and confusion replacing the sadness.

“Clarke, we were there when you met Finn and…you didn’t just meet him.”

“What?” Octavia moved her hand down her arm to clasp Clarke’s.

“You met Lexa at the exact same time.”

****

_~The Truth_

_Runs Wild  
                                                                                             Like A Tear_

_Down A Cheek~_

The penny dropped.

The light clicked on.

The cogs locked.

Everything fell into place.

It had been so obvious that Clarke had not even registered the possibility of it. Everything was starting to fully make sense to Clarke; seeing colour when she opened the door, the snappy reply when asking about if Lexa could see colour as well, her quiet nature, the way she physically bristled whenever Finn was around. The past year flashed through her mind like a slideshow in overdrive: the Polaroid selfie, waiting up for her after her date nights with Finn, her worry when Finn expressed his dislike of Octavia and Raven. Costia, the party, take out and movie nights and lingering stares that Clarke knew were more than just friendly.

Lexa was her soulmate.

Clarke bolted up from her chair, it clattered to the ground behind her, the clang causing many of the customers to turn in her direction. “Lexa is my soulmate.” She whispered, eyes flicking instantly to Octavia. “Where is she? Did she go to a lecture? No she can’t have gone to a lecture exams are over. Has she gone back to the dorm? O! Where did Lexa go after Finn came to talk to me?” She hopped from foot to foot. This couldn’t be happening, this couldn’t be real.

“Clarke, you need to calm down.”

“How can I calm down?” She groaned, exasperation evident in her tone.

“I don’t know but you need to.” Raven rolled her eyes “Take a deep breath then I’ll tell you where Lexa is.” Clarke sucked in a deep breath, letting it wash through her then exhaled. “Good. Lexa went back to the dorm to pack the rest of her stuff.” Clarke was off and running before Raven could even finish her sentence.

_~ We Can Escape To A Higher Plane_  
                                                            In Nirvana Stay  
                                                                                       Where The Dreamers Lay  
                                                                                                                                    I'll Lay You Down~

Running across the quad Clarke couldn’t have cared less about the many students that were staring at her all that mattered was reaching that dorm room. As she ran Clarke could not help but remember in distinct detail every single interaction she had had with Lexa, the small touches, hugs and strokes of hair; entwined fingers and arms around shoulders. The whispered secrets late at night, the laughs, the tears, every detail she could grab she remembered, searching for even a hint of something that she had not noticed before.

Clarke soon realised that every interaction had details she not noticed before.

Clarke also realised that this was the most running she had done in a long time. Her legs ached, lungs burned and ankles cracked but she couldn’t, wouldn’t stop. She had to reach Lexa. On her travels she passed Lincoln who gave her a small wave that the blonde did not have time to respond to. The onlookers had become background noise to Clarke now, it was like the final scene of a movie where the lovers would run to each other in an airport or across a field and profess their love for each other.

This was no movie. This was Clarke and Lexa, two girls who by a strange series of events that Raven had never fully explained met and were thrown apart again by one man in the wrong place at the wrong time. Barrier after barrier had stood between these two women, the most current being the dormitory halls main door that Clarke had just barrelled into. She skidded round the corner to the stairwell taking the steps three at a time and working her flaming muscles to their limits. She made it to their floor and threw open the door to the hall. Five doors away.

How had she not seen it sooner?

Four.

Was she just blind?

Three.

Had Lexa suffered in silence this entire time?

Two.

Had she sacrificed herself for Clarke’s happiness?

One.

Lexa was her soulmate.

Clarke threw open the dorm room door, it swung violently on its hinges and crashed into the wall. The blonde’s eyes flitted about the room searching for Lexa. They found her at the desk, wide eyed and mouth agape. “Jesus Christ, Clarke, you scared the hell out of me.” Lexa placed a delicate hand to her chest, it contrasted so wonderfully to the muscular arm that branched from it.

“Lexa.” Clarke sucked in a breath, she was pretty sure her face was beet red and every single hair out of place.

“Clarke are you okay?” Lexa rose from the desk and came to stand in front of the blonde, reaching out to check her forehead for her temperature.

“What colour are my eyes?” The brunette took a step back, hand frozen in the space between them

“What?”

“My eyes.” Clarke repeated “What colour are they?”

“Clarke,” her name on her lips. “You know I-”

“What colour are my eyes Lexa?” Their gazes locked like so very many times before and Clarke saw the world rotate in Lexa’s irises. She stared, pleading, hoping to convey everything she felt for the woman in front of her. Sympathy, sadness, compassion and love along with every other feeling that was firing under her skin like fireworks.

“Blue.” Lexa said simply, as if that one word wasn’t the start of something, wasn’t the end of something else, wasn’t exactly what Clarke needed to hear. “Your eyes are blue.” They stared at each other for a moment longer, bed covers unmade, boxes and papers littering the floor and a stray pencil nestling against Clarke’s left foot. Then the world really did start turning, whirling at a million miles an hour because Lexa was kissing her and Clarke was home.

_~You’re Dripping Like a Saturated Sunrise_

_You’re Spilling Like an Overflowing Sink_

_You’re Ripped at Every Edge_ _But You’re a Masterpiece_

_And Now I’m Tearing Through The Pages And The Ink~_

 

Octavia was purple; she was a crocus, she was lightning, she was heather spanning mountain tops.

Raven was red; fire and strawberries and rubies rolled into one.

Everything about Finn was brown; his eyes, his hair and the stag he wore proudly across his chest.

Clarke was blue like rolling waves and denim jeans and the skies that encompassed the earth.

And Lexa. Lexa was the green of the leaves, she was apples and paint and grass and clovers.

Lexa was Clarke’s favourite colour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To say this was a little idea I had while in a philosophy lesson it certainly got more recognition than I could have thought or that I am used to.
> 
> To every read, kudos and comment thank you so much they really made my day and I hope you all enjoyed my fic :)
> 
> Peace out


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